Doug's Music Snobbery Band Profile (and Album Ranking): KISS

You wanted the best??? Well this one is going to be one of the more emotional and challenging posts I’ve written here about music. It’s going to be long so you don’t have to read it in one sitting lol.

I didn’t plan this, and I’m not sure I’m ready to do it but what the heck. KISS more than any other band has been the most impactful on my life since I was 4. They meant everything to me. They are intertwined with memories of the people who have been the most special in my life and are part of so many milestones for me.

I know this sounds ridiculous to many, but there are a few who absolutely get this.

The Early Years

When my brothers brought home Dressed To Kill I was mesmerized. Monsters in suits on a street corner in New York City with the spooky negative of the photo on the back cover. I used to do a monster dance of some sort for my grandma to She from that album in the family room when she would visit at our house in Farmington Hills. This came out about a year or so after my Papa Abe passed away and I know that made her happy.

Then Alive! came out with that booklet and the handwritten letters from each of the band members and Paul Stanley’s commanding banter to the “crowd” (I know now that most if not all of that album was a fake - recorded in the studio with crowd noise overdubbed). I dressed as Gene Simmons for a halloween (it wouldn’t be the last time) with chains made from aluminum foil and my mom applying my makeup. My costume was damn good - with a cape and my hair in that little bun on top just like Gene…

I used to make Kiss comics of my own down in my basement for hours, and I’d listen to the albums on vinyl on a record player I had down there, and I found a kindred spirit in my friend Chris Branton who lived right down the street - we used to hold our own KISS concerts in my basement with pool sticks as guitars. Chris was always Gene and I was always Paul, but I wouldn’t say that’s because Paul was my favorite - I don’t think I ever had a favorite KISS member - they were all so awesome. All 4 characters, all 4 evolving costumes and makeup, all 4 personas, all 4 musical elements that they brought to the band.

I had a KISS lunch box.

Everyone knew I was obsessed with KISS. And sure many kids my age were, but everyone I knew knew I was THE Superfan.

I had multiple KISS t-shirts. I remember my grandma buying me Double Platinum on 8-track at the Record Outlet in Farmington Hills - what an awesome record store that was… I can’t seem to find a photo of it on the Internet anywhere. That was the place to buy the records and the tickets - it was a CTC outlet and I remember Les the owner literally hitting the buttons on the computer over and over right when the tickets were about to go on sale so he could get the best ones available right away for you.

I was In the KISS ARMY.

I remember the KISS tattoos falling out of ALIVE II - coolest thing ever.

KISS Meets The Phantom - amazingly ridiculous KISS movie that now has a cult following - and such a great guilty pleasure…

I literally remember where I was when I first saw / bought each KISS album - each of those moments being that big in my young life. And I remember obsessing over the details - for example with the vinyl labels which had the songwriting credits and me thinking that indicated who sang the songs. I thought it was Ace with the gravelly voice on Strange Ways and Getaway when it was really Peter. That threw me for a loop when I discovered I was wrong on that! Seems to me I saw the solo albums for the first time at Corvette’s in Southfield.

My parents were supportive - they would save articles for me if KISS was in the newspaper - but they had their limits which was certainly reasonable, and I pushed it of course. I begged to go to a KISS concert and they never took me as a kid (more on that later). When I spotted Unmasked in a K-Mart in Virginia Beach I cried on a walk up the beach all the way to the rocks until they acquiesced and bought it for me on vacation. I remember listening to it for the very first time on the headphones on my Aunt & Uncle’s stereo and I still have the Shandi Chew-Bop somewhere. Actually Dynasty and Unmasked were both released in late May in 1979 and 1980 respectively right before our family trips to Virginia Beach so both of those albums are attached to my memories of those trips and I remember one of the newspaper articles I had was a review of the Dynasty tour concert at Hampton Coliseum with a headline to the effect of “KISS - A Lot Of Flash and a Little Music” which made me mad but at least it had a cool pic of Gene and Paul. KISS was never treated that well by music critics at the time but they’ve been redeemed over time as SO many bands cited them as major influences (Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Pantera, The Replacements, Anthrax…. just to name a few).

Then came THE FOX. Eric Carr replaced Peter Criss on drums and the idea of Peter leaving was hard to understand and accept. He was the Cat Man. It would have been like The Beatles getting a replacement member… (don’t @ me with Stu Sutcliffe or Pete Best - you know what I mean). Little did I know Peter had been pretty much gone for a while already - only playing on the one song that featured him on vocals on Dynasty and not being involved with Unmasked at all… But Eric fit in perfectly and of course I was immediately obsessed with the idea of another character and The Fox was awesome. That was the only way it would work, and he was an unknown so just like the others I didn’t know what he looked like without the makeup.

That was part of the complete obsession by the way. Not only the makeup but the fact that we had never seen their actual faces. Insane that they pulled that off for a decade. You always wanted to try to figure out what they looked like - looking at any photo you could with different angles, and then someone would “catch” Gene with Cher or Diana Ross out somewhere but his face would be covered and maybe you could just see his eyes…

The 80’s

Eric Carr joined in 1980 and then Vinnie Vincent joined when Ace bailed in 1982 and once again when I caught a glimpse of Vinnie as the Ankh Warrior When KISS took off their makeup that was obviously a huge deal… I know I still have a copy of the Song Hits magazine with the new lineup on the cover somewhere in my basement - and KISS still looked mighty. Vinnie was cool looking.

And then the huge surprise… Off came the makeup with the video for Lick It Up on MTV and the Lick It Up album kicked ass. And here they were as humans actually unmasked for real this time and that somehow even heightened things for me. After being mildly distracted from KISS during the bar mitzvah era and the emergence of rap, I was back and all in.

I remember the following year hearing While The City Sleeps on WRIF in the weight room at North Farmington High School which was the first new material I had heard from the upcoming LP at the time Animalize and when KISS came to Cobo Arena in December I was no longer going to be denied. I had waited a decade for this and my parents agreed to let me go at the age of 14 with Mike Sinanis & Tim Gonterman on the condition that Mike’s dad was taking us to the show. Mr. Sinanis drove us to Detroit, lectured us the whole way, and then……dropped us off at the show. I actually didn’t know he wasn’t staying - my parents never would have let me go had they known. Everything turned out alright and Mr. Sinanis picked us up after the show - but I don’t think I told my parents he didn’t stay with us. As for the concert it was one of the most thrilling moments of my life to see them for the first time. I was a little confused because even from relatively far from the stage it just didn’t look like Mark St. John on guitar to me who had replaced Vinnie Vincent. It wasn’t. Enter Bruce Kulick who had literally been with the band for just over 2 months - they didn’t even introduce him at the show as I remember it, and that show just happened to air on MTV and was released on VCR. Kind of cool that I have my first show to watch as an official release. Watching it back now they were definitely in the hair metal phase and starting to head towards cheesier waters… where they started chasing trends instead of leading them, but I was still all in and that era still means plenty to me.

From there on out I didn’t miss a KISS concert when they came to town for the next 20 years.

They remained a huge part of my high school and college years releasing three albums during high school with Crazy Nights coming out 13 days after my 17th birthday and our opening football game. Maybe the most notable was the KISS eXposed VCR documentary / comedy which was actually pretty damn funny and contained a bunch of early concert footage which was really the first time I’d seen that. Keep in mind there was no YouTube, no Internet, and I never got to see them live with makeup. Sure there was KISS Meets The Phantom and the occasional TV appearance like when they played A World Without Heroes on Solid Gold (okay lip synched). They played it on more than one show as I remember and I swear Gene shed a tear at the end on one of them lol… but I hadn’t seen true concert footage of them in the early years. That was revelatory for me.

Meanwhile Todd Gesund and I spent plenty of time cruising around Farmington Hills listening to Crazy Nights our senior year and a new KISS album certainly gave me a lot of juice to get fired up for games. It’s an album that doesn’t hold up so well but again - plenty of nostalgia and meant a ton to me at the time.

I had not one but two KISS posters in my dorm room at South Quad at the University of Michigan.

KISS closed out the 80’s with Hot In The Shade and I can remember listening to it around Ann Arbor while delivering burgers for Burger Fresh after my football career there was over with a knee injury my sophomore year… The Hot In The Shade tour came to Detroit twice and I saw it both times with the huge Sphinx on the stage - so cool!

The 90’s - Things Start To Come Full Circle

The 90’s were quite the eventful decade for me - I graduated from college, moved to Ohio for a job, got married, had my first kid… And KISS actually started getting their act together and doing some great things after ending the 80’s in not exactly the best form (Let’s Put The “X” In Sex anyone?).

But before that all got really going Eric Carr passed away. That one hurt and still does - he was awesome. Amazing drummer, amazing showman, and was always happy to be in the band.

Meanwhile KISS started working on their next album Revenge which was released right at the end of my time in Ann Arbor and was hailed (by the band of course - always promoting with grandiose hyperbole) as a return to form for the band and I did love that album at the time. They went on a KISS Convention tour where I actually got to meet Paul Stanley, shake his hand and tell him how much the band meant to me. I met Bruce Kulick at another unofficial convention, and I met Eric Singer (Eric Carr’s replacement and a fantastic drummer) at a drum clinic at a music store. Both Bruce and Eric were really friendly. Paul was too but he was mobbed - I only got a couple seconds with him. KISS did an MTV unplugged show and a covers album they assembled with an amazing lineup - all these great things were happening. It was a great time to be a KISS fan - lots of validation after sticking with them for so long… They put out a mammoth hardcover book called KISSTORY which was a treasure trove of photos and stories of the history of the band. 440 pages and probably about 10 lbs. - it’s out of print now and sells on eBay for about $400. Any takers? Haha…

And then…. the reunion! That’s where the real full circle part comes in. Ally and I got married in May of 1996 and we had a band for the reception - a great band named Rumpelstiltskin and they learned the KISS ballad Forever to play for our first dance. And then a little over a month later I finally got to see KISS in makeup at the big opening show at Tiger Stadium in the summer of 1996 (with Alice In Chains as the opening act no less). We had a full crew with tickets on the main floor (17th row I believe) and it was one of the greatest spectacles ever. I still get a chill watching Deuce - it was pure. It was the original 4. Back together in the city that adopted them first - my home - Detroit! Not a tired drama filled version of the band - a fresh new start for the guys and they killed. I was there with Ally and my friends and it was the culmination of 21of my 25 years as a fan - a dream come true to see the original KISS.

Then…..KISS returned in October to the Palace in Auburn Hills and I MADE MY PARENTS GO WITH ME. Yep. They wouldn’t take me when I was little so I took them. Full circle indeed!!!! And guess what - they had fun!

One day when I was working for USN Communications as a sales manager I decided to shake things up with my sales team and I showed up to a Monday morning meeting with full Gene Simmons makeup and a wig - in a suit Dressed To Kill style and we went out on the streets of downtown Flint cold calling businesses. We had a lot of success that day. I even went on a sales meeting at a law firm - I was sitting in the lobby with my sales rep and one of the attorneys walked by and simply said “Hi Gene” totally nonchalantly like it was a normal thing! Hilarious…

The band kept touring too - in support of a new studio album Psycho Circus and then a farewell tour. We even saw them on New Year’s Eve at the Palace again while Ally was about a third of the way along pregnant with our daughter Lacey to close out 1998. When Lacey was born and we were still in the hospital Ally actually sang the riff from Deuce to her lol… The farewell tour was great and I was satisfied. I was fine with whatever the next chapter would be for the members of KISS…

Until the next chapter actually happened…

The 2000’s: Things Turn Sour

Things started out well enough in the new decade with the farewell tour as I said, although it was just a little weird that they played some non-makeup songs on that tour….in makeup. Just didn’t feel right but that would have still been fine if they would have ended it. Well obviously since it’s 2022 and “KISS” is still going they didn’t end it…

Three years after the “farewell” they toured again. It was a double headliner with Aerosmith and I went to see them in New York City with my buddy Andy who had awesome seats on the main floor pretty close. In theory it should have been a bucket list show and seeing my first show at MSG was pretty awesome, not to mention with Aerosmith too.

But…. Kiss introduced Tommy Thayer on this tour as a member of the band, impersonating Ace. Ace’s makeup, Ace’s costume. It just wasn’t right. It felt fake. It wasn’t really KISS. If Ace wanted out because they had already said farewell (and his contract as an “employee” of the band was up) then that’s fine. Bring in Tommy as a NEW CHARACTER just like Eric and Vinnie. Selling out was always part of KISS’s charm with the logo and the faces on every possible piece of merchandise. But there’s a limit and sometimes you don’t know what the limit will be until you reach it. This was my limit.

And it got worse. For starters I noticed at that MSG show that Paul’s voice was not what it was. He couldn’t hit the high notes and that does happen to many singers - I get that. But it just wasn’t good… That show was the last time I saw KISS. And I won’t go see them again. Since then they have added Eric Singer back into the band as Peter. With Peter’s cat makeup and costume and they made him dye his hair to look like Peter’s character. It’s now a KISS cover band that happens to have Gene and Paul in it. And Paul can’t sing anymore……like at all. It’s embarrassing. And they’ve recorded two albums with Tommy and Eric. I’ve never listened to them all the way through. They’re garbage. It’s a complete shit show. Paul has been lip synching to backing tracks at shows (they deny it I believe) and prepping their fans for the idea that Paul and Gene could be replaced by new members too. That the characters somehow are now uniforms like a football team that new players can wear. A total change to the narrative of what made the band special. They change the story as they go, while still claiming that this is the best the band has ever been. Um, no - that’s just not possible. They suck now. They just……keep……touring…..charging $76 for the nose bleed seats at last check to see a fake KISS show coming up in Dayton, Ohio. It’s a joke and I don’t even understand how anyone is paying to see them.

Ugh.

Listen, I’ll always have love for KISS. They meant too much to me for so many years, and I still love most of their music. I still listen to it a ton. It’s a love/hate relationship now… Ally and I even put on KISS makeup in 2015 for a lip sync challenge on Periscope…

Let’s Rank The Albums

Okay let’s try to end on more of a celebratory high note by ranking all of the KISS studio albums. This will be no easy task for me but we’ll go from worst to best. I’m ranking the 18 proper KISS albums which does not include the 1978 solo albums (for the record it’s Ace, Paul / Gene tied, Peter in that order), nor does it include the two fraudulent albums they made with Tommy and Eric on the cover as Ace and Peter. Keep in mind I don’t totally blame Tommy or Eric - they are being paid well to do a job. With that said let’s get to it:

The Psycho Circus cover was actually a hologram… (LP covers are low res - fair use)

18. Psycho Circus (1998) - This ranks last not only because it’s 80% schlocky garbage but because it was such a massively missed opportunity. The original 4 reunited and instead of actually making an album as a band of back-to-their-roots KISS songs, they made a calculated batch of self-congratulatory cheesy songs that Ace and Peter weren’t even involved on. Ace plays guitar on 2 tracks and Peter plays drums on one. There are two good songs on the album. The title track and Within. The Peter ballad (which he didn’t write) is boring and while Beth was a big hit as a Peter-sung ballad in 1976, he also sang lead on 10 other killer KISS songs that were not ballads in the 70’s. Ace’s song Into The Void isn’t horrible but it’s just kind of a forgettable rewrite of Mr. Blackwell from The Elder. They blew it.

17. Crazy Nights (1987) - Yuck. As I mentioned earlier this album meant a lot to 17 year old me but it doesn’t hold up. Glossy dated hair metal production and synthesizers sprinkled in helps to ruin this one, but mostly the songs just aren’t there either. Songs like Bang Bang You and When Your Walls Come Down are just not good and were the precursors to the nadir of Let’s Put The X In Sex and (You Make Me) Rock Hard on the following year’s hits collection Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (a really bad repackaging ripoff). Gene wasn’t totally plugged in at this point while he was focused on his movie career and other projects and the album suffers as a result. There are a couple bright spots like the ballad Reason To Live which is actually really good and My Way, Turn On The Night, Good Girl Gone Bad, Thief In The Night are listenable at least. The title track is dumb with an awful video and No, No, No tries a bit too hard to be a fast metal song I guess to prove they were still tough…

16. Hot In The Shade (1989) - At this point KISS had sunk as low as humanly possible creatively with the aforementioned Smashes tunes, so they really needed to get their heads out of their asses. Paul and Gene even put on the makeup again for a magazine cover shoot and the beginning of the Rise To It video perhaps for some inspiration, and indeed they come crawling out of the gutter a bit for this album. The problem is there is just still too much filler here. The album has 15 tracks and runs long to take advantage of the popular CD format but that actually hurts the album. It would have been better if Prisoner of Love, Love’s Like A Slap In The Face, The Street Giveth And The Street Taketh Away, You Love Me To Hate You and Read My Body (a humiliating Pour Some Sugar On Me Def Leppard ripoff) would have been scrapped at the very least. They’re all bad. But there are some great tunes here too. Forever is on this album - our wedding song and a gorgeous ballad with a fantastic Bruce Kulick acoustic solo. Rise To It is a pretty good opener and Hide Your Heart, while a seeming attempt at a Bon Jovi Livin’ On A Prayer type story (chasing trends and not leading them remember), is still actually a great song - a guilty pleasure. Eric Carr gets a lead vocal on the great Little Caesar and this time the obligatory (during this era) Gene speedy track Boomerang works better than No, No, No did. Silver Spoon is pretty good and while Cadillac Dreams is regularly panned by most I actually like it a lot. Don’t @ me.

15. Animalize (1984) - The lone album with Mark St. John on lead guitar who was brought in to be a shredder. To me this is the album that truly kicks off the KISS hair metal era of the non-makeup years. There are some great songs here but there are three straight tracks (Burn Bitch Burn, Get All That You Can Take, and Lonely Is The Hunter on side one) that keep it from being truly great. They are all horrible. But the other 6 are anywhere between very good and fantastic. The opener is shot out of a cannon - I’ve Had Enough (Into The Fire) kicks ass and is followed up by the big hit Heaven’s On Fire - a catchy rocker. The 4 tracks on side 2 are all solid.

14. Revenge (1992) - This was the album that was supposed to be the real return to form - KISS’s revenge on….themselves? So it’s a really good album yes. But it’s still a little deceiving in my book. Like Animalize it has 3 bad songs on it. Take It Off and Thou Shalt Not are not good and I Just Wanna is AS BAD as Let’s Put The X In Sex. Easily. The unearthed Eric Carr instrumental track at the end with the drum solo which was the riff for the Frehley’s Comet song Breakout is cool and the God Gave Rock N Roll To You cover from the Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey film is a little cheesy for my taste even if it’s notable for being the last track with a contribution from Carr before his tragic passing. That leaves 7 other tracks that are indeed mostly good. Unholy, Paralyzed, Domino and Heart Of Chrome are all really good, Spit is a guilty pleasure and Every Time I Look At You is a really nice ballad. Solid album that (kinda) returned them to some post-hair era credibility.

13. Asylum (1985) - I remember the first time I heard Tears Are Falling on the radio at Northwestern Hwy and Orchard Lake where the old little florist shop used to be (at least that’s how I remember it). What a great song. A real classic with that undeniable opening chugging riff and the awesome Bruce Kulick solo. I actually feel this might be Paul’s best vocal performance of that era - he really nailed it here. This album is not perfect but I love a lot about it. Okay so it also has a few borderline stinkers, but the opening three starting with the killer Eric Carr drum intro of King Of The Mountain followed by Anyway You Slice It and Who Wants To Be Lonely give this album just the slightest edge over the last few. The rest of the album plays a lot like the previous few on this list with Uh! All Night being a fun closer. You may ask why I’m okay with Uh! All Night but have no problem trashing Let’s Put The X etc… My answer is simply I think this one is considerably better with a solid riff. It’s less stupid than the others? Either way I like it. Sorry not sorry.

12. Creatures Of The Night (1982) - Wow does this album get a ton of love on the KISS Reddit board… and yeah it’s damn good but I know there will be people who are triggered by me having it this low. Now I do love the big booming drums - the production is solid and that was clearly a reaction to the concept album Music From The Elder. The opening title track is fantastic - a menacing thematic declaration for this album that they are here to kick ass this time. Well most of them… Ace is on the awesome cover, but he wasn’t involved in this album. Vinnie was. But there are still great songs here - Saint and Sinner, Rock and Roll Hell, Danger, and of course I Love It Loud - the last makeup era KISS anthem. Keep Me Comin’ and War Machine are good but nothing special, Killer is lame and I Still Love You has always seemed like a song Paul wanted desperately to be known as an epic ballad but it’s just not. They insist on playing it and he goes way over the top performing it. I’ll never understand why on that one - it’s just boring.

11. Carnival Of Souls (1995 / 1996) - This album was shelved and not released until 1997 with no promotion since they pivoted to the reunion before the original timeframe for release. Another album where they chased trends - this time grunge and more specifically Alice In Chains with the enlistment of their producer Toby Wright. Many people can’t stand this album for that reason, but the fact is that it’s GOOD. Even great for my money, and would be ranked higher, but while it’s a really good album it’s a bit debatable whether it’s a good KISS album. There’s even the multi-tracked darkly harmonized vocals which are signature Alice In Chains sounds on It Never Goes Away and In My Head and while it’s hard to totally buy in, they are still cool dark and heavy to me. I also LOVE Jungle - it’s rare that Kiss will loosen up and jam for a bit and they do on this track at the end which clocks in at almost 7 minutes - also a frequent Alice In Chains move & the longest KISS studio track by a significant margin. Hate, Rain, Master & Slave and In The Mirror are all killer. There’s almost a complete absence of cheese on this album which is really refreshing - what Revenge should have been closer to. Even the tender ballad I Will Be There isn’t really a “ballad” - it’s a cool song Paul sings to his son. Bruce Kulick gets his only lead vocal on the closer I Walk Alone which is fantastic. I really do love this album.

10. Unmasked (1980) - Highly underrated in my opinion and the first (but not the last) KISS album to have an original member on the cover who wasn’t involved in the album. Anton Fig plays drums - he played on the 1978 Ace Frehley solo masterpiece, was the drummer in Frehley’s Comet and ultimately became the drummer in the house band for David Letterman’s late night show for years. I think this album is criminally underrated and it’s the first album to be attacked in later years by Gene and Paul in their attempts at revisionist history and desperate need to control the narrative of KISS for whatever suits their needs from one moment to the next. But I digress… Ironically the single from this album Shandi (which was a huge hit in Australia) which I used to love has become a bit of a pain point for me. One day I was diving a little deeper into the Joe Walsh catalogue and heard the song Tomorrow for the first time (ironically there’s also a song called Tomorrow on Unmaked). Kiss completely ripped it off for Shandi. Alice Cooper’s management sued KISS and settled out of court for ripping off the Alice Cooper song I’m Eighteen for Dreamin’ on the Psycho Circus album, but this one is WAY worse. The rest of the album is great though, and it includes three classic Ace songs in Talk To Me, Two Sides Of The Coin, and the bizarre and amazing Torpedo Girl. I do love that Ace was able to get so many songs on his last couple KISS albums after kicking the others asses with his solo album. As for Gene he was also writing some great songs at this point - Naked City and You’re All That I Want are gems, and I have to say for all of Gene’s bombast and over the top sexual double entendres it’s when he turns in a delicate ballad or thoughtful mid tempo tune like these two that he’s often at his best. His 1978 solo album is mostly like this and it’s really good. Is That You?, Tomorrow and What Makes The World Go Round are all great - really catchy and even She’s So European and Easy As It Seems are a little goofy but still really enjoyable. KISS doesn’t have to play HEAVY ROCK to be good. They really don’t. Which leads us to….

9. Music From “The Elder” (1981) - More controversy!!! Haha… People usually love this album or they hate it so maybe I can piss everyone off by putting it right in the middle? It’s KISS’s concept album. Another one they love to distance themselves from now, heck you can find them crapping on a lot of their own albums but this one they tried something different and I’m a fan. They changed up their look (still with makeup) and came up with a cool story about a boy tapped by the Elders to pretty much save the universe. There’s not a bad song on the album as far as I’m concerned and songs like Just A Boy, Under The Rose, & The Oath have a cool mystical & medieval feel to them. Meanwhile the record company sabotaged it by insisting that the format include a strong leadoff for both side one and side two on the vinyl release because you know, corporate suits and all. This killed the narrative - the story is told out of order. Eventually this wrong was righted and it makes more sense when listened to the right way. I’m not alone in my love for this album. Ace turns in his last great KISS song with Dark Light and Paul contributes one of the few guitar solos he’s ever done on a KISS album on the single A World Without Heroes and it’s a damn good solo! Mr. Blackwell is such a cool song - a minimal spooky arrangement that you would otherwise never hear on a KISS album, Odyssey is actually gorgeous (fight me) and Only You is Gene as an elder telling the boy that he is the light and the way. It also contains an instrumental Escape From The Island (the only one since the debut album) which is a jam and it finishes with the anthemic song I. This was the first studio album they didn’t appear on the cover of and didn’t tour in support of due to poor sales, but I am not ashamed to say I am a fan of The Elder.

8. Lick It Up (1983) - The best non-makeup KISS album. They clearly felt energized by the shift in direction - at least that’s what I hear when I listen to this one. Definitely the template for the other albums that came after in this era but they never replicated the quality of the songs and the riffs found here, which is a bit of a shame because Bruce Kulick is a great player who did his best to shine on some subpar material. Vinnie Vincent was also a great player and largely responsible for how good this album is - too bad he’s such an idiot personally and could never sustain a relationship. But as for the album it’s this one that is the kick ass album that they tried to make with Creatures Of The Night. The humor and the puns that used to be found in singing about girls turns a little darker here (telling a bitch you’re going to dance all over her face seems a bit aggressive now) but obviously the 80’s were a little different and this type of misogyny unfortunately was a little more “acceptable” then. But the whole album isn’t that way and the title track for example is another KISS classic - catchy as can be. Gene goes nuts on this album vocally - Fits Like A Glove and Young and Wasted in particular feature a ton of screaming but in the best way - these songs both rock - Young And Wasted is one of the most effective flat out heavy tracks of theirs in my opinion (Eric Carr usually handled the vocals on this one when they performed it live). My friends and I always got a kick out of Paul’s “rap” on All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose - my buddy Bill just texted me out of nowhere recently and, well - here’s the exchange:

Haha! I forgot the “HEY MAN” lol… Gimme More is the only track to me that feels like filler - like a faster recycled attempt at another I Stole Your Love that tries too hard, and Dance All Over Your Face is kind of lame but A Million To One and And On The 8th Day are both fantastic. Overall a true winner of an album - a level they wouldn’t quite reach again on a whole LP with the exception maybe of Carnival Of Souls.

7. Dynasty (1979) - The disco album? I honestly don’t hear it that way. Even the lead single I Was Made For Lovin’ You - yeah okay I guess… but it’s still a jam with plenty of kick ass guitar. Aside from that I suppose Sure Know Something sounds of the disco “vibe” a little but it’s a great song. Not a dud on this album and yes that includes the only track Peter Criss was even involved with Dirty Livin’ - I like it. This is also the first KISS album where Ace is really featured with three of my favorites of his. Not sure if people stop to realize ACE SINGS MORE SONGS THAN GENE ON THIS ALBUM and as many as Paul. That’s crazy especially since both of Gene’s songs Charisma and X-Ray Eyes (both on side 2!) are fantastic. But as for Ace I think all three still represent Ace at his peak in KISS going back to Shock Me on the Love Gun album. 2000 Man is an Ace standard - a pretty obscure Rolling Stones tune from Their Satanic Majesties Request that Ace made his own. One of the better covers of all time. Hard Times is a gritty tale of growing up in the streets and Save Your Love is a bitter break up song - these two having nothing to do with the Space Ace persona. Clearly the success of the previous year’s Ace solo album changed the dynamic. I love Dynasty and the iconic cover is a winner too. Granted the costumes from this era really started getting over the top but to me this is still a classic KISS album.

6. Rock N Roll Over (1976) - Much like Sabbath, the first 6 KISS albums constitute the classic era for many (even though I think Dynasty warrants inclusion) and they are relatively interchangeable but I can still rank them. They also (once again with Dynasty) represent the classic covers and this one is so good. I had a sticker of this cover on my Isuzu Rodeo I drove after college, and I recently saw a GIF of it that was so cool. As for the music this is a solid set. I Want You is the opener with the mellow set up for the raucous stomp - “b-b-b-b-babe I want YOU!!!” Destroyer took some chances with the big production and a couple mellow tunes where this seems like a response to that with a straight ahead & somewhat stripped down rock album. Peter does his best Rod Stewart impression with Hard Luck Woman which is the only laid back tune and a real highlight (later covered by Garth Brooks of all people on the KISS My Ass covers album) and Baby Driver is a tough rocker that Peter delivers with gusto. Calling Dr. Love is the big hit sung by Gene - I don’t think of it as the standout on the album per se but it’s good. The rest are all solid - Take Me, Ladies Room, Makin’ Love, Mr. Speed, Love ‘Em And Leave ‘Em, See You In Your Dreams - I love all of these.

5. Love Gun (1977) - After the straight ahead Rock N Roll Over KISS expands the sounds again a little with great results here, and ironically the big hit title track on my 5th favorite KISS album is the only song I just don’t really love… But beyond that this album is fantastic. The opener I Stole Your Love is just killer - shot out of a cannon with Paul declaring “Alright!!!” to kick it off. Detroit Rock City ultimately became the traditional opener for most KISS live shows over the years but I did get to see them open with I Stole Your Love on the Hot In The Shade tour and that was just awesome. Gene appears with the disgusting ode to a 16 year old that was way too common back in those days… if you can “get past” that - obviously not that you should technically - it’s a catchy song with the piano included. Yikes - I feel gross even writing that. Okay moving along… Have love will travel? Got Love For Sale is a great Gene tune that chugs along - it’s a rocker but I love the little acoustic flourishes mixed in there. And then Ace makes his vocal debut with the classic Shock Me! Ace has never had a strong voice but it’s distinctly Ace and his kind of spaced / stoned delivery has always been perfect for him and his persona. What a great riff and just an incredible song. Tomorrow and Tonight was written as a kind of follow up attempt at an anthem a la Rock And Roll All Night which is a little comical but the song while a little cheesy is still a lot of fun. Hooligan is the lone Peter song and I’m fine with them giving up on the formula of the Peter ballad (wish they wouldn’t have returned to it on Psycho Circus) - I love Hooligan - rhyming Hooligan with School-Again? Hahaha - love it. The funky-yet-menacing Almost Human and Plaster Caster are two absolute Gene classics and I may be in the minority here but I am a huge fan of the Then She Kissed Me Crystals cover to finish the album.

4. Destroyer (1976) - The big splash - KISS has a big hit with the (mostly studio) live album Alive! after struggling to get sales on the first three albums, so now it’s time to deliver on those heightened expectations and they bring in Bob Ezrin to do it. This album is actually a masterpiece despite the difficulties getting through it and surprisingly crappy production. Now granted I think the BIG sound they seemed to be going for like they’re playing in a cavernous stadium may have seemed cool at the time but it’s too much in my book - it’s just not that clean. And Ace started getting antsy with all the demands of making this album so he doesn’t play on all of it. Having said all of that it’s the first of really the second trilogy of the first six albums with the painted artwork instead of a photo, and it follows the pattern of 3 LPs and a live album featuring songs from those 3 LPs. As for the songs, what a set! Detroit Rock City and Beth are obviously massive hits to this day - you can still hear them everywhere and with good reason really. Detroit Rock City feels like an epic even though it’s less than 4 minutes long with a catchy chorus, one of Gene’s best bass lines and a sweet dual lead guitar solo which they should have done more often. That leads into the grandiose King Of The Night Time World - and keeps with the overall themes that match the cover of KISS reigning in a post-apocalyptic world where they are the kings, the gods, rulers of the rock world commanding us to get up, move our feet and Shout It Out Loud, marveling at the hero worship they endear with Great Expectations and the money, the seven inch leather heels, the limos - all of it. It’s really a masterstroke of storytelling taken as a whole that I was fascinated with as a kid. KISS’s world indeed with fire blood, rock n’ roll, and an ARMY of KISS soldiers. With Beth they had an accidental hit in Peter’s ballad with full orchestration which is a real classic. The rest of the album is amazing too - I once heard Flaming Youth blasting from a house in Columbus walking to the stadium for a Michigan vs. OSU game - probably in ‘90 or ‘92… and what kid didn’t like singing “My parents think I’m crazy and they hate the things I do!” I never thought that but it was fun to pretend to rebel - ha. Gene throws in a little S&M with Sweet Pain (with Dick Wagner from Alice Cooper playing the solo), and with God Of Thunder basically lays down the theme of his persona as the demon which he would perform for years often after spitting blood and vaulting up to the ceiling of the arena in years to come (ironically written by Paul for Paul). On the Hot In The Shade tour the big Sphinx’s mouth opened and said the spoken word part in the middle with lasers - it was insane. I’m a big fan of Great Expectations - great vocals from Gene there, and Do You Love Me? with that unmistakable booming drum intro is a great closer. It’s very possible that I just talked myself into this album being number 1. If you want to argue for that I won’t argue back, I’m just partial to the first three KISS albums and always will be.

3. Hotter Than Hell (1974) - I’ve gone around and around on the last three - it’s really a three way tie because I just can’t distinguish between my love for all three. Hotter Than Hell would probably stand alone at the top if it weren’t for the HORRIBLE production which I’ve written about before. Such a bummer. They wanted to capture a loud and heavy sound that was more representative of their live act and it just sounds….muddy. But the songs are maybe the best batch of all starting with the opener Got To Choose which could be my favorite KISS song of all time. Paul beckoning for a girl to choose him over another guy, but really he’s telling us all to stick around for this killer album and ride that KISS will be taking us on as they conquer the world. I also like that the guys handle almost all of the songwriting themselves on these LPs and Ace turns in two of his heaviest starting with Parasite. Anthrax covered this which should tell you something (they also covered Love Her All I Can and She from Dressed To Kill). What an amazingly evil riff and awesome vocal from Gene. I actually like that Gene’s vocal isn’t up front in the mix here - it just works even though overall the sound is still cruddy. Gene follows that up with another strange fantasy in the role of a 93 year old pursuing a 16 year old with Goin’ Blind which is followed up by the awesomely cheesy title track and the confusing but great Let Me Go Rock N’ Roll. Side 2 is loaded - Watchin’ You with its awesome funky / heavy riff was the most well known of the group but the band pulled out Comin’ Home to open their MTV Unplugged set (along with Goin’ Blind - a clear indication of the status this album has attained over the years). All The Way makes great use of the cowbell, while Peter turns in two great vocal performances on the Paul Stanley-written Mainline and the ultra heavy closer Strange Ways written by Ace with one of his best guitar solos ever. The cover art is bizarre with photos from a shoot that turned into a wild party by all accounts…

2. Dressed To Kill (1975) - My introduction to the band and probably still my sentimental favorite. I also love the production on this album. Nice and dry - clean like they are playing in your living room. I love everything about this album from the opening chords dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN-DUN of Room Service which once again includes…a 16 year old (a sweet 16 looking hot and mean). Sheesh - but I’ll never be able to bring myself to cancel these songs - I just can’t. Moving along, the next three songs are all a bit slight I suppose, and I LOVE THEM. Gene’s goofy vocal in Two Timer is everything, Ladies In Waiting as well… “you’ve been to the market and the meat looks good tonight” haha…. Sex, drugs and rock n’ roll right? Only without the drugs - Gene and Paul famously have never done drugs. Can’t say the same for Peter and Ace. I also love the nursery rhyme quality of Getaway written by Ace and sung by Peter “I know I could go, got no dough, should I stay or should I go?” Rock Bottom is a unique track in that it includes a really cool 2 minute acoustic intro by Ace - the only one of its kind that they recorded. Side 2 is where things really pick up with C’mon And Love Me kicking things off. KISS cut the Hotter Than Hell tour short to get back into the studio to record this album because they were struggling to find the formula to increase the hype and the sales since Hotter Than Hell fell flat, and they had to recycle some old Wicked Lester songs (their band prior to KISS) to come up with material such as She and Love Her All I Can - they might just be the two best songs on the album although that title might have to go to Rock And Roll All Nite which skyrocketed to stardom as one of the most well known rock anthems of all time - granted that didn’t really happen until the live version was released as a single from Alive! Anything For My Baby is also a standout.

1. KISS (1974) - The energy and the classics fill this album with one of their most iconic covers with the odd version of Peter’s makeup. Aside from the oddly-named but cool instrumental Love Theme From Kiss, the goofy but fun cover Kissin’ Time (which they were forced to record as a late edition to the album by Casablanca records founder Neil Bogart), and Let Me Know (which I used to sing to my daughter when she was a baby), all of these songs were included on Alive! and would go down as classic KISS songs. Strutter is so cool - a melodic rocker about a confident strutting woman is a great way to open the debut album. KISS didn’t set out to be the family friendly act they exploded to be with lunchboxes and KISS dolls at first, and even then it’s not like the double entendres ever stopped. Nothing wholesome about the rollicking Nothin’ To Lose with Gene and Paul handling the verses together and Peter improvising vocally over the singalong chorus. A song about the “back door”….. Firehouse is a classic with Paul going big with his dictionary lol and the big firehouse siren at the end. Ace turns in his first of many classic KISS compositions with Cold Gin sung by Gene who himself does not drink Cold Gin. Deuce the opener (covered by Lenny Kravitz with Stevie Wonder on harmonica on the KISS My Ass covers album) was the opener for the band in the early days and as I mentioned earlier they opened with that at Tiger Stadium in 1996. The coordinated moves that they do at the end of that song swaying back and forth always get me when they play it live. 100,000 Years with Gene’s bass intro is awesome - the “live” version with Paul riffing vocally with the audience about believing in rock n roll is over peter’s drums is like a real rock revival and it had plenty of power back then. Over the years Paul jumped the shark with it but back then it was magical. Black Diamond was covered by The Replacements on the Let It Be album and it’s really an epic with Paul singing the “Out on the streets for a livin’” intro before Peter belts out the rest.

M10 Social is owned by Doug Cohen in West Bloomfield, MI and provides social media training and digital marketing services from the Frameable Faces Photography studio Doug owns with his wife Ally. He can be reached there at tel:248-790-7317, by mobile at tel:248-346-4121 or via email at mailto:doug@frameablefaces.com. You can follow Doug’s band Vintage Playboy at their Facebook page here.

******************************************************************************************

Tune in to the 📷Doug&Ally📷Morning Show T-F between 8:30 & 11 EST UTC-4 on Happs.TV by following them on Happs or Twitter at @frameablefaces! Also check out the Doug & Ally Morning Show podcast at anchor.fm/frameablefaces and everywhere you listen to podcasts! Doug also tweets at @dougcohen10 and @M10Social!